Sadism is extreme cruelty, aggressiveness of character, in which a person commits aggression and violence not so much in order to achieve some goals, but as an end in itself, as a means of obtaining functional pleasure. Therefore, a sadist is a person who takes pleasure in causing suffering to another person. And since aggression is a source of pleasure for such a person, the sadist seeks to cause suffering to other people, devaluing and discrediting them, depriving them of dignity and pride.

Even the French researcher P. Beauvais showed in the early 1920s that cruelty, which is independent of the instinct of pugnacity, is based on the egoistic need of self-preservation. A person distinguished by such cruelty avoids suffering and tries to shift it onto another, the one who caused fear in him.

Sadism, as the need to cause suffering to another person and enjoy it for a long time, was considered a sexual disorder belonging to the field of psychopathology.

However, the expansion of research into this phenomenon has shown that sadism is a universal human phenomenon and should be studied within the framework of the psychology of a normal person. And in this case, the difference between normality and pathology is more a matter of degree than of quality. P. Bove considered the instinct of pugnacity to be the source of cruelty. This instinct seems to force a person to commit aggressive actions and enjoy the contemplation of others’ suffering.

Erich Fromm listed the main features of sadism:

Passion for acquiring absolute power over living beings, the desire to humiliate, insult them, turning them into a “thing”, property, and to become a god for them. Sometimes a sadist acts in favor of another, contributes to his development, just to have power over him. But usually sadism is unkind, insulting, mocking. The Roman emperors Caligula and Nero, among our contemporaries Hitler, Stalin and many other big and small leaders were sadists. What is worthy of attention here is that E. Fromm directly connects sadism with the lust for power and the use of power.

Sadism is a way of life, a way of solving problems of existence, existential problems.

Sadism leads to the isolation of a person from others, often this is the path to madness, since absolute power is impossible. The goals of a sadistic attitude are unattainable, and the person goes crazy, remaining without close people.

When such extreme sadists achieve success, become generals or statesmen, people glorify them as heroes. And when they fail, they are declared criminals and madmen.

Every even modest member of society has influence over someone else, and, consequently, some opportunity to show sadism.

Sadism creates the illusion of omnipotence: many people, especially those who have not been able to live productive lives, feel as if sadists are transcending the limitations of human capabilities. It was said of Napoleon that he “pushed the boundaries of glory.” But at the same time they do not notice that the motivation of sadism is of a low level, there is no sublimation in it. The needs of many sadists are trivial. These are people who have managed to transform their feeling of powerlessness into a feeling of omnipotence. E. Fromm called sadism “the religion of psychological cripples.”

Extreme cases of sadism are relatively rare. In every person, sadistic and other so-called “life-affirming” tendencies are balanced in such a way that they limit the commission of cruel acts. Since sadists want to establish their power over people, they need subordinates. Therefore, they save the lives of these people or parts of them. This distinguishes a sadist from a “simple destroyer” who seeks to destroy all living things.

The sadist does not like to fight a strong opponent. His cruel actions are stimulated when he encounters weak people and animals. He does not like to compete with equal opponents, since in this interaction he cannot experience a feeling of superiority and power over another. The sadist admires those people who have achieved power, respects and even loves them, but he despises the weak and wants to subordinate them to his control.

A sadist, according to E. Fromm, is afraid of everything new and unexpected. But because “life is structured but unpredictable and disordered,” he is afraid of life.

For a sadist, the only certainty in life is death. He is incapable of love. To be able to love another, a person must, according to Fromm’s theory, be able to love himself and evoke self-love in others. But there is always a risk of rejection and rebuff. The possibility of failure frightens the sadist. He can love someone only when he dominates him.

A sadist is both a xenophobe and a neophobe. Since all strangers are new people, he is afraid of them. He is suspicious and anxious, he is not capable of spontaneous reactions to novelty.

Finally, the sadist has the character of a subordinate and cowardly person. He feels powerless and strives for power in order, figuratively speaking, to turn from an insect into a god. But even with power, he suffers from powerlessness. By killing people, he is further deprived of the love of loved ones, becomes isolated and afraid, feeling the need for an external force to which he could obey. Hitler submitted to Fate, and his dignitaries to their Fuhrer.

Sadism in moderate forms is common in all societies and can be considered a normal reaction to frustration. It is difficult to draw a clear boundary between normal and pathological forms of sadism. In psychopathology, sadism, according to the tradition coming from R. Krafft-Ebing, is associated with sex. However, it is more correct to point out the dual motivation of sadistic actions:

they are caused by sexual attraction and the frustration of this attraction;

but they are also caused by the desire for dominance, dominance, and the desire for high social status.

In each specific case, one of these motivations becomes predominant. But in a significant number of cases, sexual and leadership motives of sadism appear in close alliance.

Since we are talking about the origins of sadism as an extreme form of human cruelty, it can be assumed that sadism as a trait or character complex is formed through the repeated commission of aggressive actions that are encouraged. What makes a person cruel is also the constant suppression of the desire that arises in him, as a consequence of many frustrations, to commit aggressive actions.

Conditions for the emergence of sadism

The conditions and patterns of human character formation are very complex, since, apparently, there is no direct connection between society and character types. For each individual, the set of social stimuli, as well as his responses to these influences, are unique. And it is clear that similar types of individual characters are formed in different societies. Sadists have always been everywhere, at all times and in all types of societies.

But as a general condition for the formation of a sadistic character, E. Fromm pointed to such a phenomenon as the power of some people over others. In his opinion, if the exploitation of some people, groups and classes by others is eliminated, sadism will disappear and only individual sick people will be sadists.

Where relationships of exploitation and subordination exist, there will necessarily be tendencies to reduce the independence, critical thinking and productivity of subordinates. Although all kinds of entertainment are offered to people, they do not bring them real joy. In such societies, the average citizen has an average level or, as Fromm prefers to say, an “average dose” of sadism.

Sadism in individuals intensifies under the influence of fear, terrorist, that is, not limited by the law, punishment, aggressive arbitrariness. Fear of such punishment can become the main emotional background of a person’s life from childhood. Under the influence of this constant experience, the sense of personal integrity, if it has had time to form, decomposes. Her level of self-esteem decreases. Constantly giving up his freedom, betraying himself, a person can lose the sense of having a stable “I”.

In other words, authoritarian rule in the family and society creates favorable conditions for the formation of sadistic personalities full of fear and anxiety. This has been historically proven by the experience of totalitarian states - Germany, the USSR and others. But since even in the democratic countries of the West authoritarianism in families, private enterprises, the army and the police retains a strong position, the production and reproduction of sadists is very successful everywhere.

Envy is one of the causes of sadism and the nature of violent actions corresponding to this type. As a complex emotional-cognitive complex and experience, envy includes a strong aggressive component. Aggression is the leading component of envy. The latter is a widespread and, apparently, universal phenomenon. Professional colleagues envy each other, persecute and terrorize the successful, with sadistic glee trying to “pound them in a mortar.” Envy reaches extreme intensity in the field of politics. Envying each other's successes, politicians often commit sadomasochistic acts. There are, apparently, gender differences in envy and in the subject of this experience. Women envy each other for love, wealth and other values, sometimes literally destroying each other mentally and physically. Envy always causes rivalry.

Irrationalism of behavior, subjectivity of mutual assessments and self-assessments, reluctance and inability to understand the state of another person, etc. are widespread phenomena. Systematic persecution, even without physical aggression, is real psychological sadism. Many willingly take on the role of sadistic persecutors.

The formation of sadists is also facilitated by the poverty of a person’s mental life, the lack of communication and simple human joys.

When a social group and its leaders disapprove of the sadism of its members, the corresponding character traits and behaviors may be temporarily suppressed. People's behavior begins to be determined by other motives.

Varieties of sadism

In the study of sadism, two extremes have been observed. Some researchers, for example Sigmund Freud, explained sadism entirely only by sexual reasons, while others, earlier authors, on the contrary, did not see this connection at all. The first line of research comes, of course, from the Marquis de Sade, who suffered from this disorder and described it in his literary works.

The modern and, apparently, the most adequate concept of sadism was developed by Erich Fromm, who distinguished between two main types of sadism: sexual and non-sexual.

Sexual sadism is one of the most common human perversions. This perversion is widespread throughout the world, among all peoples. The sadist experiences sexual arousal and pleasure from his aggressive actions. When this type of sadist deals with a woman, he tries to cause her physical pain and humiliation, trying to completely subjugate her to his will.

The dose of cruel acts necessary for sexual arousal varies among sadists. Others are satisfied only with sadistic fantasies.

Sexual sadism has been known for a long time, but its first scientific description was given by the 19th century German psychiatrist R. Krafft-Ebing. It is curious that extreme types of sexual sadists appear again and again in all societies, although it is not common to speak openly about them everywhere.

It is known that in normal sexual life a man satisfies not only his sexual, but also aggressive desires. By acting together and combining aggression and sex in their actions, both partners receive pleasure. But if one of them is the aggressor, and the other is a non-aggressive victim, then it is mainly the aggressor who receives satisfaction. An extreme case of this type of sexual relationship is the interaction of a sexual sadist with his victim.

Here are a few cases of sexual sadism that have appeared in the press over the past few years.

“They deprived the cannibal of both his life and his dinner” - one of the newspapers published a note under this title along with a photograph of a sexual sadist. Here is this short note.

“Blue-eyed blond Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced to 15 life imprisonments by a Wisconsin court a year and a half ago. Dahmer killed 17 people over the course of 13 years, and tortured his victims beforehand. He also covered the article on cannibalism.

However, Dahmer failed to serve any of his life sentences behind bars. Inmates of the maximum security prison beat Dahmer to death with wooden batons.”

Another example of sexual sadism: Carla Fay Tucker “...from an early age became a prostitute and drug addict, like her mother. “Mom and I traded drugs like we traded lipstick,” she said. In June 1983, she, along with her lover, a certain Daniel Ryan Garrett, while in a state of narcotic dope, brutally killed a loving couple with a pickaxe - Jerry Lynn Dean and Deborah Thornton. At the trial, she admitted that while striking the unfortunates, she “experienced sexual satisfaction.” The court sentenced her and Garrett to death, and the crime they committed went down in the history of Texas as “one of the most terrible,” although Texas is generally hard to surprise with crimes.”

For a certain number of people, sexual sadism creates an irresistible attraction to crimes against the individual. Leonid Mlechin spoke about a whole series of such pathological cases in the article “Amateur Gardener, Police Officer and Other Maniacs.”

Here are excerpts from this material.

“The American city of New Orleans is in shock. The police have admitted that there is a so-called serial killer operating in the city. He is believed to have killed 24 people. Moreover, in a rare case, the police know the name of the suspect. And this name inspires fear because the suspect is a policeman.

Over the past four years, 17 black women, two white women, four black men and one white man have been found dead in the city. Mostly they are prostitutes or drug addicts. They were all found naked; They were first strangled, then drowned. The police came to the conclusion that this was all the work of the same killer.

But the police have no evidence yet, although several people have said that this police criminal is Victor G. Moreover, in the city they say that Victor and his friends collect tribute from prostitutes and drug dealers in their district...

A serial killer is usually a sexual predator. This is no ordinary criminal.

He doesn't rob his victims. He doesn't seem to be selfish. He enjoys the process of committing a crime. When they are caught, they usually confess everything.

Sexual predators are criminals that people really fear. These are the ones who attack mainly women and children, rape and kill them. He carefully selects his victims and is almost never caught at the crime scene.

According to the FBI, there are between 10 and 50 serial killers active in America at any one time. One of them is now on trial. We are talking about a certain gardener Joel R., whom the neighbors knew as a remarkable plant expert. “He was arrested by accident. The man was stopped by the traffic police. While examining the car, police smelled a strange odor and discovered the body of a woman. The driver, Joel R., did not answer the question. He admitted that it was the body of a prostitute whom he had strangled.” This man spoke with morbid pleasure about his crimes. During his first interrogation, he told the police in which areas of New York the corpses of the 16 women he killed over three years lay. He liked to keep something as a souvenir of each of his victims - credit cards, driver's licenses, earrings, bras, etc. But the most surprising thing is that “he seemed to them an ordinary and extremely positive person.”

This is the worst thing about stories with serial killers. A common case: a criminal who leads a secret sexual-criminal life, having committed a crime, leads an ordinary life, often has a family and does not give himself away in any way.

Such sexual maniacs have always existed in all countries...

In 1980, American John Wayne Gacy was accused of murdering 33 people. His victims were young men and boys. It was believed that this was the worst killer in US history.

But then an even more sophisticated serial killer appeared, whom Washington State Police call the “Green River Killer.” From 1982 to 1984, according to police, he committed 37 murders. Then the crimes suddenly stopped. But the police don’t know whether the killer is dead, has gone somewhere, or has simply gone to bed.”

One controversial statement about such people is found not only among journalists, but even in the works of specialists. L. Mlechin wrote:

“Before and after committing a crime, such a criminal is almost no different from normal people. That’s why sexual predators are so hard to find.” This is a very controversial statement, its unconvincingness is clear to the author, who continues:

“Is such a maniac normal? Maybe he's crazy? Maybe, but if such a criminal is nevertheless caught, psychiatrists find themselves in a difficult situation. On the one hand, the killers were aware of what they were doing. Serial maniacs are cunning and resourceful. They don't kill on a well-lit street in the presence of witnesses. On the other hand, a chain of senselessly brutal murders indicates that the killer is clearly mentally disabled. Those declared insane are treated in specialized institutions. Those found sane are executed.”

But it is worth believing that such people must have subtle disturbances in cognitive processes, value orientations and empathy, the detection of which requires special techniques.

Violent acts are a source of pleasure for the sadist, but they threaten his partner. Therefore, when discussing the problem of sadism, E. Fromm objects to the Marquis de Sade and G. Marcuse, who were supporters of the free expression of sexual sadism. Since, as proven in psychoanalysis, many human desires are irrational, it is hardly advisable to adhere to the principle of free satisfaction of all desires.

The presence of sexual sadism in a person indicates that she has formed a sadistic character structure, that is, she has a strong desire to dominate, control, and humiliate other people. Fromm, of course, meant that extreme and self-valuable cruelty is the leading character trait of such a person, and to such an extent that other traits are either subordinate to it, or suppressed by it, or serve it.

Let us give a historical example of a combination of cruelty and sexual perversion. Sultan Bayezid I, the ruler of the Ottoman Empire, was distinguished by extreme cruelty. It is known that his father, Murad I, died in battle on the Kosovo field, in Serbia. There, after the victory, as the eldest son of the deceased, Bayezid was proclaimed sultan by the state council. His first act as ruler of the empire was to kill his younger brother Yakub by strangulation. But this brother commanded the flank during the battle and enjoyed the respect of the soldiers. Bayezid then organized a massacre of Christians, exterminating in particular all the Serbian princes who took part in the battle.

It turns out he was also a sexual deviant. In the work of one Turkophile historian there are the lines: “Between campaigns, he preferred to indulge in sensual pleasures, unlimited gluttony and drunkenness, and did not deny himself various forms of debauchery with the women and boys from his harem. Bayezid's court, famous for its luxury, could easily compete with the luxury of the Byzantine court in its heyday. Despite all these excesses, Bayazid was distinguished by deep religiosity. He built a small cell for himself on the roof of his mosque in Bursa and immersed himself in a state of mystical solitude for a long time, then talked with theologians from his Islamic circle.”

These facts show that Sultan Bayezid was a sexual sadist, strangely combining religiosity. This would seem like a paradox if humanity did not know that Islam encourages cruelty.

Sultan Bayezid also had accentuated character traits:

he was too proud;

too impulsive;

too cruel;

had too high an opinion of himself;

hated Christians too much;

was overly stubborn, etc.

A man with a pathological character resolved major political issues, and the consequences of his criminal acts still influence the destinies of the Serbian and other Slavic peoples. Oddly enough, the political heirs of the despot find support from the leaders of a number of Christian states.

Strong impulses to dominate, suppress and control others influence a person's sexual desires. It is known that non-sexual motives such as the desire for power and wealth, as well as narcissism, arouse human sexual desire. Fromm argues that “in no other area of ​​behavior is the character of the individual manifested as clearly as in the sexual act,” since sexual behavior is spontaneous, it is the result of learning to a minimal extent.

Sexual behavior expresses love, tenderness, sadism or masochism, greed, narcissism, personality anxieties, in fact every significant trait of his character.

E. Fromm criticizes the point of view according to which the expression of sadism in sexual actions reduces the destructive tendencies of people. “Well, it would be quite logical to conclude such reasoning with the conclusion that the guards in Hitler’s concentration camps could have been quite supportive and friendly towards the prisoners if they had had the opportunity to get release for their sadistic tendencies in sex.”

Non-sexual sadism is already an extreme form of aggressiveness without its connection with sexual desire. Since time immemorial, the victims of people with such sadism have been all weak and unprotected people: captives, slaves, children, and very often also animals.

Let us give an example of non-sexual sadism that well illustrates its nature. During the Great Patriotic War against Nazi Germany and its satellites, Sergeant of the Soviet Army Artavazd Adamyan was captured by the Germans. This is what he told years later to the writer Zori Balayan: “The Germans, demanding from me, who was captured by them, information about the location of our units and not receiving an answer, began to methodically and, I would say, competently, torture me. They seemed to be stretching out the “pleasure.” And then I thought: the Germans too closely followed the lessons of their teachers - the organizers of the Armenian genocide, the leaders of Ottoman Turkey. The Turks did the same with their victims in the fifteenth year, they acted with the same methods. I wasn’t even surprised that they didn’t have a special “blank” somewhere in the Gestapo in the rear, but at the front: an iron rod with a star at the end. Having heated it over the fire, the German first applied the “form” to the forearm of his right hand.

I was silent. After some time, the white-hot star was applied to the other hand. Then - to the forehead. And only then did they begin to cut off the fingers of his left hand with a sharp knife. Moreover, they forced me to watch the torture process. As soon as I turned away, a blow to the face followed. In one thing I saw my salvation. In death. But fate decreed otherwise. A German soldier ran into the dugout and said something to the officer. He ran headlong into the street. The executioner soldier ran out after him. They were clearly alarmed by something. And, of course, they were sure that I was no longer just half-dead, but a very dead person. Maybe that's why they forgot about me for a moment. And this moment was enough. He grabbed the machine gun. Two grenades.

The road was open. After two explosions at the entrance to the dugout, I jumped up and, fortunately, not a single enemy bullet reached the target. Actually, they realized it too late... This is my story...”

Terrible examples of sadism are recorded in historical works describing the aggressive wars of the Turkic and Mongol hordes in the conquered countries. In particular, Armenian and Byzantine historiography is full of tragic descriptions of the massacre of children, women and the elderly, as well as prisoners during the campaigns of the Turkish sultans. The ethnocide of Armenians, Greeks, Assyrians and other nations and ethnic groups living within the Ottoman Empire are blatant examples of rampant sadism.

Sadism has always been characteristic of many, including Turkic-speaking peoples. It manifests itself in constant wars with other peoples, but there are examples that the leaders of these tribes used sadistic methods in the fight against each other, in intra-ethnic relations.

Here is an interesting example given by L.N. Gumilyov in one of his books. The background to this case is this: when Temujin was elected Mongol Khan and took the name Genghis Khan, he immediately had many sworn enemies. One of them was Jamukha. A war arose between them, during which terrible sadistic acts were committed, moreover, in relation to relatives, representatives of the same ethnic group. Civil wars can be particularly brutal, a phenomenon that requires the close attention of psychologists and psychohistorians. L. N. Gumilyov writes:

“Genghis Khan had thirteen kurens, which he also brought into the field. Jamukha overturned the formation of the Genghis troops, but they retreated to the Izeren gorge at Onon. Jamukha did not storm the gorge, but mercilessly dealt with the prisoners. He ordered seventy young men from the Chonos clan to be boiled in cauldrons, and cut off the head of his former comrade-in-arms, Chakhan-uva, and tied it to the tail of a horse. After these dubious exploits he returned home."

In recent decades, special scientific research has been carried out in the United States to determine the extent of the spread of various forms of sadistic actions towards children. It turned out that children and adolescents under 16 years of age most often become victims of sadism, that is, at an age when they are dependent and defenseless.

Non-sexual sadism, in turn, can be physical and mental. Mental sadism of a person is expressed in various forms of verbal aggression. This is an insult to a person with a word - a remark, criticism, an incorrect and inappropriate question. But such sadism can also be expressed in non-verbal forms of communication - in a smile, laughter and various expressive expressions.

All these types of mental sadism most effectively insult and humiliate a person when they are used in the presence of others, in public.

E. Fromm gives a number of examples from the life of Stalin, showing how this cruel figure used physical and mental sadistic actions against different people.

There is currently extensive literature on this in Russian.

Before giving the order to arrest a person, he usually showed his victim signs of emphasized attention and even sympathy, so the arrest, due to its surprise, had a particularly deep and painful effect.

Stalin ordered the arrest of the wives and children of senior party and government officials and kept them in prisons and concentration camps, while these workers were supposed to “normally” continue their service and even meet with him. And they worked without risking asking for anything for the sake of their family and friends.

For example, the wives of Kalinin, Molotov and Kuusinen, as well as the latter’s son, ended up in concentration camps in 1937. In the presence of other senior officials, Stalin once asked Kuusinen why he was not working for the release of his son? This “brave” figure replied that, apparently, there were compelling reasons for his arrest! Stalin grinned and ordered the release of the son of this brave party leader. For a psychologist, everything is interesting here, but especially the fact that a person, even in the most tragic situations, makes up excuses in order to maintain his positive self-esteem. In this case, Kuusinen composed rationalizations in favor of Stalin. If you look closely at the facts, you can see that this mechanism of psychological self-defense is very widely used in relationships between managers and subordinates.

Stalin once ordered the arrest of the wife of his personal secretary, who, however, had to continue his work. Such people either had a very low level of personal dignity and self-respect, or were morally degraded to such an extent that they no longer even sympathized with their loved ones who became victims of Stalin and the KGB. Thus, Lazar Kaganovich did not object to the arrest of his brother Mikhail, who, according to the version composed by Beria and Stalin, was associated with the Nazis. During a confrontation with a provocateur in the office of A.I. Mikoyan, Mikhail Kaganovich entered the toilet and committed suicide with a pistol shot.

Stalin's actions were often unexpected by others. Having arrested and tortured a person for some time, he could then release him and reappoint him to a high position.

Erich Fromm and other researchers consider Stalin a non-sexual sadist. But such a conclusion cannot be considered conclusively proven. When R. Medvedev and E. Fromm wrote their books, many facts about Stalin’s personal life and his relationships with women were not yet known. New research may show that he apparently belonged to a mixed type of sadist: he was both a sexual and a non-sexual sadist. For some reason, it is tacitly assumed that the named varieties of sadism cannot be combined in one person. This assumption is not sufficiently substantiated. The theory of sadism must be developed in such a way that it covers more and more facts of real life.

There is a category of people whose interests in life boil down to enjoying the humiliation and torment of other people. The tendency towards cruelty that accompanies the behavior of such a person is called “ sadism».

Psychiatry classifies sadism as a personality disorder and considers it an antisocial phenomenon.

It was established that a person is not born a sadist, but becomes one in the process of life, as a rule, associated with similar cruelty. Reasons for the development of sadistic tendencies– comes from childhood, when the human psyche is very vulnerable, absorbs negative emotions, consolidates them on an unconscious level and transforms them into various forms of violence.

The development of sadism as a personality trait does not depend on the quality of education, but can be closely related to the methods of the educational process. Excessive severity towards a child, disproportionate punishments, grievances that have not been experienced and understood, threats of physical harm and its use for educational purposes are quite capable of causing mental trauma to a growing little person, deforming the psyche and developing aggression in him, which in the future will be directed externally. Wednesday.

Signs of sadism noticeable to anyone not versed in the intricacies of psychiatry, but are often misjudged until a particular person becomes a victim of such violence. There are several forms of manifestation of sadism:

• Psychological violence, when a sadist regularly speaks out or commits acts that humiliate or insult another person.
• Sexual violence, when a sadist obtains pleasure by causing suffering to his partner.
• Infliction of bodily harm to another living being in order to gain power over the victim and to assert oneself through this.

Sadistic tendencies a person cannot express this with everyone, but only in the presence of those people (or, as a rule, one person) whom he considers weaker psychologically and physically. For this reason, the sadist’s victims most often are animals, children, and females who cannot (or the sadist believes that they cannot) provide adequate resistance. Sadistic tendencies manifested in the family put all household members in the position of victim.

Signs of sadistic tendencies may appear as:

• dislike of animals
• the desire to conduct experiments with living organisms that are life-threatening,
• disrespectful or offensive behavior with members of the opposite sex (selected victims, not all),
• painful play on the feelings of another person,
• deliberate destruction of other people's plans and hopes,
• unmotivated vindictiveness,
• contempt for some people
• desire to dominate someone
• slander, deception of another person in order to cause trouble
• and many other actions that others may mistakenly regard as bad character traits rather than a mental disorder.

Treat sadistic tendencies psychotherapists are hired, but the effectiveness of treatment is always in question, since there are no medications that block the desire for violence. Psychiatry notes that sadistic tendencies are often akin to a sexual disorder, that is, they originate in sexual desire. Therefore, the methods of psychotherapy for sadism are similar to the methods of treating sexual disorders.

It is extremely difficult to correct the psyche of a sadist, because his psychology was formed over many years under conditions of trauma (psychological or physical), and it is impossible to reverse this process.

A person with sadistic tendencies who become a threat to members of society are restricted in their freedom of movement. Victims of a psychological or sexual sadist are advised to move great distances away from their tormentor. In cases of active persecution by a sadist of his victim, he is required by law to be prohibited from approaching.

Persons with sadistic tendencies (psychological and physical) are encountered at every step - and, paradoxically, in society they can be considered the most exemplary husbands and wives, parents and teachers. They skillfully hide under the guise of respectable citizens, but only when surrounded by close or dependent (subordinate) people show themselves “in all their glory.” And if the consequences of real beatings will inevitably become visible to the eyes of strangers, then “mental bruises” are sometimes not able to be recognized even by the victim of moral violence.

An incredible number of people around the world face this problem every day, so we decided to cover this topic in as much detail as possible. In this article we will reveal the basics of thinking of a moral sadist and make sure that he deserves sympathy rather than hatred. However, in the future we will try to convince the reader that such a breakdown in personality (an inheritance from a dysfunctional childhood) is still very dangerous for others. But first things first... so, what is going on in the minds of everyone’s “tormentors”?

Motives of a psychological sadist

For both psychological and physical sadists, the greatest pleasure is given by the very process of humiliation and bullying of another person, the feeling of power over others. After which the sadist, like a drug addict who has received a dose, also experiences pleasure from life and relaxation, he is pleased with himself. If such a person does not commit violence, he will begin to experience “withdrawal”: his mood will worsen, his nerves will become unruly, and irritability and anxiety will appear. In more severe cases, the “poor guy” may even get sick!

Any manifestations of sadism are usually accompanied by an emotional “unwinding” of the situation. The thirst for nervous excitement and a fountain of emotions, so necessary for a sadist, forces him to make “stories” from the most ordinary situations. A balanced and mature person does not need nervous shocks of this kind, but the emotional life of a person of a sadistic type is empty. Almost all his feelings are stifled, except anger and triumph. He is so dead that he needs powerful drugs to feel alive.

The more pronounced sadism is in a person, the stronger his periodic need for masochism and self-humiliation manifests itself: after violence is carried out, he usually repents quite sincerely, asks for forgiveness on his knees, humiliates himself in every possible way, or tries to appease the victim - with gifts, tenderness, attention, and sometimes and stormy make-up sex. Just don’t be deceived: the sadist gets no less pleasure from these actions than from directly torturing the victim. In fact, this is just a way to deceive your “punching bag” and the people around you, as well as justify yourself in your own eyes.

A Sadist's Outlook

A person with sadistic tendencies is absolutely confident in his infallibility. If you try to remind him of his bad deeds, he will, at best, deny them. Even if it's only been five minutes. An attempt to explain the situation to him objectively will only provoke a new attack of aggression and violence, at least psychological. Of course, at the edge of his consciousness, the “tyrannosaurus rex” still guesses what he is really doing, but cannot give up the destructive style of behavior, since the other is either unknown to him or seems too dangerous. That is why a sadist never feels or admits either his guilt or his responsibility.

In general, the situation is simple, although sad. The sadist is unable to accept himself as “bad”, but completely denies this. At the same time, the poor fellow projects the repressed “evil self” onto any living creature that happens to be nearby. So, in general, the sadist is at war with himself, although he does not understand it. And this is nothing more than powerful psychological self-defense: after all, the feeling of one’s own insignificance, instilled by older sadists in childhood, simply would not allow a person to survive. This is where the sadist’s contempt for people comes from and the conviction that they are all hostile, ready at any moment to humiliate him and take everything away.

The only thing that, according to the sadist, can protect him is his own strength, cunning, determination, arrogance and absolute control over others. That is why the sadist is devoid of any sympathy and shows miracles of complete egoism. Its goal is to anticipate possible aggression. And if someone refuses to carry out his orders, then the sadist will spare no effort to “suppress the rebellion”! Indeed, behind the rage caused by the insubordination of other people, there is a powerful fear of a sadist: letting such a person “free” is the same as admitting defeat. Then you will have to admit that he himself can also be manipulated, he can be humiliated and trampled into the dirt. Vaguely aware of the danger of a complete collapse of his artificial and fragile mental balance, the sadist is capable of the most desperate actions in order to maintain control...

Choice of victim

A psychological sadist in certain situations easily moves from psychological to physical sadism. He would constantly show physical violence towards everyone around him, but he is held back by the fear of “getting back” - so he chooses a victim among those who are weaker, and tries to keep her close for as long as possible. The sadist subconsciously senses who cannot fight back, who is a dependent person on those around him, who is vulnerable and touchy by nature. Ideally, he needs a partner who does not have his own desires, feelings, goals and any initiative (accordingly, he cannot have claims against his “master”). And since real masochists are not always at hand, the sadist often “raises” a suitable victim for himself from a husband, wife, or children. Sometimes sadists can behave like a “spoiled child”: tyrannize loved ones with whims and demand unquestioning fulfillment of desires, otherwise everyone will get their nuts...

Following the principle described above of transferring his “bad self” onto others, the sadist always makes himself the victim - and transfers responsibility for his actions to his partner: it is he who “brings” and “forces” him to act harshly (especially if he tries to defend himself). The sadist almost sincerely believes in these explanations, and he has another reason to punish the victim - because, due to the provoking behavior of his partner, the sadist cannot look balanced, kind, and worthy of admiration.

So, the real victim is blamed for what is happening with inimitable pathos. For this, all means are good: the sadist throws hysterics, slippery provocations, plays on the victim’s guilt, and also complains to others about his ungrateful wife (husband, children), enlisting the support of the “public.” And thereby catching up with three birds with one stone! Firstly, it receives additional confirmation of its dubious correctness. Secondly, making a mountain out of a mountain is much more interesting in front of the audience. And finally, the environment helps the sadist put pressure on the victim, pushing him back into the trap. And we’ll talk about what awaits her behind the scenes of this performance next time.

PORTRAIT OF A MAN WITH SADISTIC TENDENCIES
PSYCHOLOGICAL PORTRAITS OF PEOPLE WHO CREATE CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS

2004 Elena Emelyanova,
http://www.nvppl.ru/show_articles_176.htm
Each type of codependent person is the owner of a corresponding complex that grew in place of a “break” of his Self due to a lack of love. In turn, each complex presupposes a certain way of filling the Self. These complexes are: self-abasement, martyrdom, sadistic tendencies, narcissism and an insatiable thirst for love.

The main thing in sadistic inclinations is the desire for absolute power. The conventional understanding of sadism as inflicting physical suffering on someone is just one way of achieving this power. To become an absolute ruler, it is necessary to make another person absolutely helpless, submissive, that is, turn him into his living thing, breaking his spirit. This is achieved through humiliation and enslavement.
There are three ways to achieve absolute power.
The first way is to make other people dependent on yourself and acquire complete and unlimited power over them, allowing you to “sculpt them like clay,” instilling: “I am your creator,” “You will become what I want you to be,” “You are the one who was created by me, you are the child of my talent, my labors. Without me you are nothing."
The second way is not only to have absolute power over others, but also to exploit and use them. This desire can relate not only to the material world, but also to the moral qualities that another person possesses.
The third way is to cause other people suffering and watch them suffer. Suffering can be physical, but more often it is about causing mental suffering. There is no greater power over a person than the power to inflict pain and suffering on someone who is unable to defend himself.
Karen Horney lists typical sadistic attitudes, by the presence of which one can determine that a person has sadistic tendencies to one degree or another.

Here we provide a brief overview of them.

1. “Education” of the victim.
A sadistic person wants to enslave other people. He needs a partner who does not have his own desires, feelings, goals and any initiative. Accordingly, he cannot have any claims against his “master”. The relationship between such a “master” and his victim comes down, in essence, to “education”: “Your parents did not take care of your real upbringing. They spoiled you and let you go. Now I will raise you correctly." Relationships with your own child are built even more harshly - he is an absolute slave. Sometimes he is allowed to rejoice, but only when the source of joy is the “ruler” himself. “Parenting,” be it a partner or a child, follows the principle “the more criticism, the better.” To praise means to make another feel that he is somehow closer to the “master.” Therefore, praise is completely excluded from educational measures. Even if this happens, it is followed by even more derogatory criticism so that the victim does not imagine that he is actually worth something. The more a subordinate person is endowed with any valuable qualities, the more obvious they are, the harsher the criticism will be. A sadist always feels what exactly his victim is not sure about, what is especially dear to her. Therefore, it is precisely these properties, features, skills and traits that are criticized. Indeed, the sadist is not at all concerned with the fate of another. And his own destiny is not as dear to him as the feeling of power. “He will neglect his career, refuse pleasures or various meetings with other people, but will not allow the slightest manifestation of independence from his partner.”

2. Playing on the victim's feelings.
What could indicate power more than the ability to influence feelings, that is, deep processes that a person himself cannot always control? People of the sadistic type are extremely sensitive to their partner’s reactions and therefore strive to evoke those that they want to see at the moment. Their actions are capable of generating wild joy or plunging into despair, causing erotic desires or cooling. Such a person knows how to achieve such reactions and enjoys his power. At the same time, he vigilantly ensures that his partner experiences exactly the reactions that he causes. It is unacceptable for a partner to experience pleasure or joy from the actions of other people. This self-will will be immediately stopped: either the source of joy will be discredited in one way or another, or the partner will no longer have time for joy, because they will try to plunge him into the abyss of suffering. However, it is unacceptable to suffer because of other people or on your own initiative. If this happens, the sadist will try to ensure that new suffering caused by himself distracts his victim from “extraneous” feelings. Although a sadist may well console a victim suffering for “unrelated” reasons. Moreover, he will spare no effort or money for this. And in most cases, he will achieve his goal: the person will gratefully accept his help and, perhaps, feeling such powerful support, will stop suffering. But the sadist will also see this as a manifestation of his absolute power. After all, he needs not so much the suffering itself, he needs to rule over the human soul. Most often, such playing with feelings occurs unconsciously. A person with sadistic tendencies feels an irresistible irritation or an irresistible desire to behave in one way or another. It is unlikely that he himself could explain the true reason for his feelings and actions. Most likely, he is simply rationalizing them.
However, as K. Horney said, any neurotic, at the edge of his consciousness, guesses what he is really doing. He guesses, but cannot give up the destructive style of behavior, because the Other is unknown to him or seems too dangerous.

3. Exploitation of the victim.
Exploitation itself may not be associated with sadistic inclinations, but may be committed only for profit. In sadistic exploitation, the most important benefit is the feeling of power, regardless of whether there is any other gain. Demands on a partner are constantly increasing, but no matter what he does, no matter how hard he tries, he will not achieve gratitude. Moreover, any efforts he makes will be criticized, and he will be accused of mistreatment. Of course, the partner must atone for such “bad” treatment by even greater efforts to please. And, of course, he will never succeed. The most important thing for a sadist is to show his partner that he will never be worthy of him. And what lies even deeper is the desperate desire for a partner to fill his life with everything he needs (satisfying basic needs, securing a career, receiving love and care, boundless devotion and limitless patience, sexual satisfaction, comfort, prestige, etc.) , because the sadist himself does not feel capable of this. But it is precisely the latter that is carefully hidden both from the partner and from oneself. A sadist sees only one way to obtain satisfaction from life through a partner - this is absolute possession of him, not for his own sake, but as a means of achieving what is necessary.

4. Frustrating the victim.
Another characteristic feature is the desire to destroy plans, hopes, and interfere with the fulfillment of other people's desires. The main thing for a person with sadistic inclinations is to act contrary to others in everything: to kill their joy and disappoint their hopes. He is ready to harm himself in order to prevent his partner from rejoicing when he achieves success. He will spoil his partner's luck, even if it is beneficial to himself. Anything that gives pleasure to another person must be eliminated immediately. “If a partner is looking forward to seeing him, he tends to be sullen. If the partner wants sexual intercourse, he will be cold. To do this, he doesn’t even need to do anything special. It has a depressing effect simply because it radiates a gloomy mood.”5 If someone likes the process of work itself, then something is immediately introduced into it that will make it unpleasant. By the way, consultants, working with clients of a sadistic type, will certainly feel this peculiarity: as soon as such a client feels that working with him gives even the slightest satisfaction (for example, if a psychologist noted progress in therapy), he will immediately destroy him, sophisticatedly putting specialist into a dead end, causing him a state of confusion, irritation, provoking careless expressions or aggressive defensive behavior, which then indicates professional failure.

5. Harassment and humiliation of the victim.
A person of a sadistic type always feels the most sensitive strings of other people. He is quick to point out flaws. But most importantly, he sees which of them are the most painful or are extremely carefully hidden by their carrier. They are the ones who are subjected to the harshest and most painful criticism. But even those qualities that the sadist secretly recognizes as positive will be immediately devalued so that the partner:
a) did not dare to equal him in merits;
b) could not become better either in my own or in his eyes.

For example, an open person will be accused of cunning, deceit and manipulative behavior; a person who knows how to analyze a situation in a detached manner will turn out to be a soulless and mechanistic egoist, etc. A sadist often projects his own shortcomings and bases false accusations on other people.
For example, he can sympathetically express concerns about emotional instability to a person upset by his own actions and recommend that he see a doctor. A person with sadistic inclinations always transfers responsibility for his actions to the victim partner: it is he who “brings”, “forces” him to act harshly; if not for the partner, the sadist might look white and fluffy. The sadist believes in these explanations, and he has another reason to punish the victim - because, due to the provoking behavior of his partner, the sadist cannot look calm and balanced, kind, and worthy of admiration. He has to take on the dirty work of establishing justice and rehabilitating his partner.

6. Vindictiveness.
A person with sadistic tendencies at the level of consciousness is confident in his infallibility. But all his relationships with people are built on the basis of projections. He sees other people exactly as he sees himself. However, the sharply negative attitude towards themselves attributed to them, the feeling of being an absolute insignificance, is completely repressed from consciousness. Aggressive feelings combined with self-contempt would simply not allow such a person to survive. That is why he only sees that he is surrounded by people worthy of contempt, but at the same time still hostile, ready at any moment to humiliate him, deprive him of his will, and take away everything. The only thing that can protect him is his own strength, determination and absolute power. That is why the sadist is devoid of any sympathy. People around us deserve only contempt and punishment. Anticipating possible aggression is the goal of a sadist. And the sadist is sure that any person harbors hostile goals. Therefore, he needs to take revenge. One's own vindictiveness only slightly concerns the consciousness of the sadist. What he does seems to him to be the only true way to achieve justice. On the path of a person with sadistic tendencies, there are many people who oppose his desire for absolute power. They show their independence and autonomy. They can be brave or free themselves from the power of a sadist through manipulative means. Disobedience enrages the sadist. Behind this rage is a powerful fear: letting such a person go “free” is the same as admitting defeat. But then this will mean that he is not an absolute ruler, that he too can be manipulated, humiliated, and trampled into the dirt. And this is so familiar, so unbearable, that the sadist is capable of desperate steps of revenge.

These are the main traits of a person with sadistic tendencies. To this we must add that any manifestations of sadism are accompanied by an emotional “unwinding” of the situation. Nervous shocks are mandatory for a sadist. The thirst for nervous excitement and excitement makes him make “stories” from the most ordinary situations. “A balanced person does not need nervous shocks of this kind. The more mature a person is, the less he strives for them. But the emotional life of a person of the sadistic type is empty. Almost all feelings are stifled in him, except anger and triumph. He is so dead that he needs strong drugs to feel alive.” Deprived of power over people, he feels pitiful and helpless.
People with sadistic tendencies are not at all uncommon in our society. The described features may look intimidating, but such a direct and sharp expression can only be seen with strong neuroticism. In most cases, sadistic tendencies are veiled in accordance with the type of person.

The compliant type enslaves the partner under the guise of love. He hides behind helplessness and illness, forcing his partner to do everything for him. Since he cannot stand being alone, his partner must be with him all the time. He expresses his reproaches indirectly, demonstrating how people make him suffer.
The aggressive type expresses his inclinations openly. He demonstrates dissatisfaction, contempt and his demands, but at the same time considers his behavior completely justified.
An alienated person does not show his sadistic tendencies openly. He deprives others of peace by his readiness to leave, by pretending that they are bothering or bothering him, and by secretly enjoying the fact that because of him they make themselves stupid.
But there are also cases when sadistic impulses are completely unconscious. They turn out to be completely hidden by layers of super-kindness and super-caring.
K. Horney gives the following description of “hidden sadism”: “He will make every effort to prevent anything that could offend their feelings. He will intuitively find the words to say something nice, such as an approving remark that will boost his self-confidence. He tends to automatically blame himself for everything. If he has to make a critical remark, he will do so in as gentle a manner as possible. Even if he is clearly insulted, he will express his “understanding” of the human condition. But at the same time, he remains hypersensitive to humiliation and suffers painfully from it. He will avoid anything that resembles assertiveness, aggression or hostility. He may go to the opposite extreme of enslaving other people and be unable to give any order. He is hyper-cautious about exerting influence or offering advice. But he starts getting headaches, or stomach cramps, or some other painful symptom when things don't go the way he wants. He develops self-deprecating tendencies, he does not dare to express any desire, he tends to consider the expectations or demands of other people more justified and important than his own. But at the same time, he despises himself for his lack of assertiveness. And when they begin to exploit him, he finds himself in the grip of an insoluble internal conflict and may react with depression or other painful symptoms. Sadistic play on feelings with deep repression and prohibition gives way to the feeling that a person is powerless to attract anyone to himself. He may simply be convinced that he is unattractive to the opposite sex, despite strong evidence to the contrary. The resulting picture of personality is misleading and difficult to assess. Her resemblance to the compliant type, prone to the desire for love, self-abasement, masochism is striking... ...However, in this picture there are certain elements that will indicate to an experienced observer the presence of sadistic inclinations. There is usually a noticeable, if unconscious, contempt for other people, outwardly attributed to their not very high moral principles. The same person may tolerate sadistic behavior directed at him with apparently limitless patience, and at other times will show extreme sensitivity to the slightest sign of pressure, exploitation and humiliation. Such a person sees insult and insult in every little thing. Since he is enraged by his own weakness, he is indeed often attracted to people of an openly sadistic type, causing him both admiration and disgust, just as they, in turn, feeling a voluntary victim in him, are drawn to him. So he finds himself in a situation of exploitation, suppression of hopes and humiliation. However, he does not receive any pleasure from ill-treatment, but suffers from it. This gives him the opportunity to experience his own sadistic impulses through someone else, without having to face his own sadism. He may feel innocent and victimized, but at the same time hope that one day he will prevail over his sadistic partner and experience the triumph of victory over him. In the meantime, he quietly and imperceptibly provokes situations in which his partner does not look his best.”

What contributes to the development of sadistic tendencies? A sadistic character can be transmitted as a model of life from the mother or from the father, if they had sadistic inclinations, or develop in the process of upbringing. But in any case, this is the result of deep spiritual loneliness and a feeling of uncertainty in a world that is perceived as hostile and dangerous.
Conditions that create preconditions for the development of sadistic tendencies:

A feeling of emotional abandonment that begins in a child at a very early age. It doesn't matter what the reasons are why parents failed to provide their child with a sense of emotional involvement. They might work long hours, or be sick a lot, or be incarcerated, or simply be estranged from the child. However, the feeling of abandonment in itself is not enough to develop sadistic tendencies. This requires a second component - insults and cruelty towards the child.
Emotional or physical abuse, punishment or abuse. Moreover, the punishment should be much more severe than the child deserves for the offenses he has committed. Such punishment is more like reprisal. Sometimes a child is punished for something he did not do, and sometimes for no reason - he just happened to be caught. Punishment can be physical, but often it is sophisticated bullying and humiliation aimed at causing mental pain.
Mental abnormalities of one of the parents, as a result of which the child receives both components: emotional abandonment and abuse. □ Alcoholism and drug addiction of parents, whose behavior while intoxicated is often of the nature of unmotivated aggression. □ An atmosphere of unpredictability, the inability to understand what you can get punished for and how to avoid it.
Emotional imbalance of parents. For the same act, a child in one case can be severely punished, in another case it can cause a surge of tenderness and tenderness, in a third - indifference.
Parental messages: “You are nobody and nothing. You are my property, which I pay attention to when I want, and am not interested when I don’t need it.” “You are my property and I do whatever I want with you.” □ “I gave birth to you, I have the right to your life.” “Your job is not to understand, but to obey.” “You are the one who is to blame for everything.”

The child's conclusions: □ “I am so bad that it is impossible to love me.” “I am so bad that I must be punished no matter what I do.” □ “I can't control my life. Life is dangerous and unpredictable." □ “The only thing I can predict with certainty is that punishment is inevitable. This is the only constant thing in life."

Psychological portraits of people who create codependent relationships

“People only pay attention to me when they want to punish me. Doing things that get punished is the only way to get attention.”
“The people around me are a source of danger.”
“People are not worthy of respect and love.”
“I am being punished, and I can punish.”
“There is no need for special reasons for insults, humiliation and abuse.”
“To survive, you have to fight.”
“To survive, you must control the actions, thoughts and feelings of other people.”
“To survive, you have to make yourself feared.”
“To avoid pain and aggression from others, I need to get ahead of them so that they are afraid of me.”
“I need to make other people obey me, then they won’t be able to cause me suffering.”
"Violence is the only way to exist."
“I only understand people’s condition well when they suffer. If I make others suffer, they will understand me.”
"Life is cheap."

Of course, such conclusions are made unconsciously and not in the language of logic, but rather at the level of feelings and sensations. But they begin to influence a person’s life, like a built-in program.

Results:

Disturbed understanding of the relationship between cause and effect.
High anxiety.
Projecting a negative self-attitude onto others.
Impulsivity, inability to control one's actions.
Emotional instability.
Lack of firm guidelines and principles.
The desire for dominance and total control.
A combination of high conscious evaluation (and even overcompensatory revaluation) of oneself and a deep unconscious negative attitude towards oneself.
High sensitivity to mental pain.
Touchiness.
Vengefulness.
Aggressiveness, tendency to commit violence.
The desire to “absorb” a significant Other through severe coercion.
The need to cause suffering to loved ones in order to receive evidence of one’s importance to them.
The unconscious desire to “sculpt” from other people the idea of ​​an unattainable own Ideal Self.
Tendency to various abuses - drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, carousing, which are used as a means of reducing constant anxiety.
Tendency to create codependent relationships.
Tendency to a self-destructive lifestyle.

It should be noted that at a subconscious level, a tendency to violence is present in every person. There is nothing unnatural about this. For the vast majority of people, this subconscious readiness for destruction lies peacefully dormant until it is awakened by any extreme conditions.
A striking example of this is the numerous cases of the emergence of sadistic tendencies among former participants in hostilities. The most suitable partner for a person with sadistic tendencies would seem to be a self-deprecating partner. Such couples really do occur, and with such a combination, the relationships that they build take on truly terrible forms. The fact is that direct and complete submission is not enough to satisfy sadistic inclinations. It is precisely by achieving such behavior from a partner that the sadist loses all interest in him. For him, the very process of destruction of any independence, any manifestation of independence and sovereignty of the individual is important. After all, it is in this process that he tests and confirms his absolute power and his ability to influence the feelings and thoughts of another.
Only the mental suffering of a person who defended his desire for freedom and self-determination, but was already suppressed and defeated, gives rise to an extraordinary surge of energy and a sense of his absolute power in the sadist. He experiences pleasure and satisfaction that can only be compared to the pleasure of orgasm. At the same time, he experiences tenderness for the defeated person as a source of such satisfaction.
By the way, violent sexual intercourse, filled with strong sensations, is often the final action after the next process of suppression. It is the passionate experiences of love after suffering that are the “hook” on which the affection of its victims is firmly and long-lasting. However, a self-deprecating person does not provide adequate resistance to the sadist, and the process of suppression does not bring the necessary satisfaction. To get it, the aggressively dominant partner increases the force of his pressure and, dissatisfied with the psychological struggle, moves on to measures of physical violence.
Any person, even a self-deprecating one, strives to preserve the integrity of his body and life itself, so he involuntarily begins to resist. And this is exactly what its ruler needs. Thus, the desire to give in and obey leads to increased suffering, on the one hand, and to extremely dangerous forms of influence, on the other. And yet, interaction with a self-deprecating person is only a special case of partnership with a sadist. Depending on the degree of development of the complex, the sadist can act as a direct aggressor and as a soft, caring person, achieving his goals in a roundabout way.
In essence, any way to build a codependent relationship, taken to the extreme, comes down to the fact that the psychological territory of the partner is occupied, and the partner is devastated and subjugated (unless, of course, he leaves the occupier at earlier stages of the relationship). Accordingly, he can build relationships with people who are not at all inclined to self-deprecation. The more satisfaction he can achieve by succeeding in his goals. So a sadist is more attracted to people who are fulfilled, who have a living and elastic shell of the Self, which needs to be broken.
However, only people whose Self is broken and who can at least partially recognize the treatment of a sadist as corresponding to what they think about themselves can be in close relationships with such a person for a long enough time. And in this contradiction lies the reason for the sadist’s constant dissatisfaction with love relationships and his need to find new victims. Nevertheless, a person of a sadistic type does not want to destroy the person to whom he is attached. He needs a partner who belongs to him, because his sense of his own power is based only on the fact that he is someone's master. Therefore, as soon as he realizes that the victim is ready to “get off the hook” and is close to leaving him, he retreats and expresses his love and care to his victim, trying to tie her to him as tightly as possible. The torturer is dependent on his victim, although this dependence may be completely unconscious.
For example, a husband can abuse his wife in the most sadistic way and at the same time tell her every day that she can leave at any moment, that he will only be glad to do so. If she really decides to leave him, he will be desperate, depressed and begin to beg her to stay, trying to convince her that he cannot live without her. But if she stays, the game will start all over again, and so on without end. In many thousands of personal relationships, this cycle repeats itself over and over again. The sadist buys the person he needs with gifts, praise, assurances of love, brilliance and wit in conversations, and a demonstration of his care. He can give him everything except one thing: the rights to freedom and independence. Very often such relationships are observed between parents and children. Here, relations of dominance and possessiveness appear, as a rule, under the guise of the care and desire of parents to protect their child. He can have whatever he wants, but only on the condition that he does not want to get out of the cage.
As a result, the grown child often develops a deep fear of love, because for him love means servile bondage. A person with sadistic tendencies vigilantly ensures that his victim is afraid to leave him. He instills in her the idea of ​​his super-importance for her in all areas of life, says that all his actions are aimed at caring for her (here the pronouns “he” and “she” refer to the tormentor and the victim, whose roles are equally both men and women can play). We have already said that only a person who is afraid of being abandoned or feels helpless can endure such a relationship for a long time.
Thus, mutual dependence arises on the basis of a predisposing readiness to build codependent relationships of both partners. The further deforming nature of their interaction only aggravates this tendency.

Recently I had a conversation with a friend about where sadistic tendencies come from and what is hidden behind them.
I found an interesting text on this topic, I’m sharing it :)
I’m interested in your opinion on this topic, share your thoughts)

"E. Emelyanova: Portrait of a man with sadistic tendencies
The main thing in sadistic inclinations is the desire for absolute power, although the methods can be very different, right up to humane “hidden sadism”.
Karen Horney lists typical sadistic attitudes:
1. “Education” of the victim. The relationship between such a “master” and his victim comes down, in essence, to “education”: “Your parents did not take care of your real upbringing. They spoiled you and let you go. Now I will raise you correctly.” “Parenting,” be it a partner or a child, follows the principle “the more criticism, the better.” A sadist is not concerned about the fate of another. And his own destiny is not as dear to him as the feeling of power.
2. Playing on the victim's feelings. What could indicate power more than the ability to influence feelings, that is, deep processes that a person himself cannot always control? People of the sadistic type are extremely sensitive to their partner’s reactions and therefore strive to evoke those that they want to see at the moment.
Although a sadist may well console a victim suffering for “unrelated” reasons. Moreover, he will spare no effort or money for this. And in most cases, he will achieve his goal: the person will gratefully accept his help and, perhaps, feeling such powerful support, will stop suffering. But the sadist will also see this as a manifestation of his absolute power.
As K. Horney said, any neurotic, at the edge of his consciousness, guesses what he is really doing. He guesses, but cannot give up the destructive style of behavior, because the Other is unknown to him or seems too dangerous.
3. Exploitation of the victim. Exploitation itself may not be associated with sadistic inclinations, but may be committed only for profit. In sadistic exploitation, the most important benefit is the feeling of power, regardless of whether there is any other gain
4. Frustrating the victim. Another characteristic feature is the desire to destroy plans, hopes, and interfere with the fulfillment of other people’s desires. He will spoil his partner's luck, even if it is beneficial to himself. Anything that gives pleasure to another person should be eliminated
5. If someone likes the process of work itself, then something is immediately introduced into it that will make it unpleasant.
6. Harassment and humiliation of the victim. A person of a sadistic type always feels the most sensitive strings of other people. He is quick to point out flaws.
A person with sadistic tendencies always transfers responsibility for his actions to the victim partner
7. Vindictiveness. A person with sadistic tendencies at the level of consciousness is confident in his infallibility. But all his relationships with people are built on the basis of projections. He sees other people exactly as he sees himself. However, the sharply negative attitude towards themselves attributed to them, the feeling of being an absolute insignificance, is completely repressed from consciousness. That is why he only sees that he is surrounded by people worthy of contempt, but at the same time still hostile, ready at any moment to humiliate him, deprive him of his will, and take away everything. The only thing that can protect him is his own strength, determination and absolute power. This is why the sadist lacks empathy.
8. emotional “unwinding” of the situation (nervous shocks)

In most cases, sadistic tendencies are veiled in accordance with the type. The compliant type enslaves the partner under the guise of love. He hides behind helplessness and illness, forcing his partner to do everything for him. Since he cannot stand being alone, his partner must be with him all the time. He expresses his reproaches indirectly, demonstrating how people make him suffer. The aloof type does not show his sadistic tendencies openly. He deprives others of peace by his willingness to leave. But there are also cases when sadistic impulses are completely unconscious. They turn out to be completely hidden layers of super-kindness and super-caring (“hidden sadism”).

A “sadistic character” can be transmitted as a model of life from the mother or from the father, if they had sadistic inclinations, or develop in the process of upbringing. But in any case, this is the result of deep spiritual loneliness and a feeling of uncertainty in a world that is perceived as hostile and dangerous

Conditions that create preconditions for the development of sadistic tendencies:
- A feeling of emotional abandonment that begins in a child at a very early age. However, the feeling of abandonment in itself is not enough to develop sadistic tendencies. This requires a second component - insults and cruelty.
-Emotional or physical abuse, punishment or abuse. Moreover, the punishment should be much more severe than the child deserves for the offenses he has committed, or completely without reason.
-An atmosphere of unpredictability, the inability to understand what you can get punished for and how to avoid it. Emotional imbalance of parents. For the same act, a child in one case can be severely punished, in another case it can cause a surge of tenderness and tenderness, in a third - indifference

Parental messages:
"You are nobody and nothing
“You are my property and I do whatever I want with you.”
“I gave birth to you, I have the right to your life”
"You are the one to blame for everything"

Child's findings:
“I am so bad that it is impossible to love me”
“I can't control my life. Life is dangerous and unpredictable."
“The only thing I can predict for sure is that punishment is inevitable. This is the only constant thing in life,” “Doing things that get punished is the only way to get attention.”
“People are not worthy of respect and love”
“I am being punished and I can punish”
“There is no need for special reasons for insults, humiliation and abuse”
“To survive, you have to fight.” □ “To survive, you need to control the actions, thoughts and feelings of other people”
“To survive, you must make yourself feared”
“To avoid pain and aggression from others, I need to get ahead of them so that they are afraid of me.” O “We must force other people to obey me, then they will not be able to cause me suffering”
"Violence is the only way to exist"
“I only understand people’s condition well when they suffer. If I make others suffer, they will become understandable to me."
"Life is cheap"

Of course, such conclusions are made unconsciously and not in the language of logic, but rather at the level of feelings and sensations. But they begin to influence a person’s life, like a built-in program.

Results:
Disturbed understanding of the relationship between cause and effect
High anxiety.
Impulsiveness
Emotional instability
Desire for total control
A combination of high conscious evaluation (and even overcompensatory revaluation) of oneself and a deep unconscious negative attitude towards oneself
High sensitivity to mental pain
Touchiness
Vindictiveness
The desire to “absorb” a significant Other through severe coercion
Unconscious desire to “sculpt” from other people the idea of ​​an unattainable own Ideal Self
Tendency to various abuses - drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, which are used as a means of reducing constant anxiety.
Tendency to create codependent relationships.
Tendency to a self-destructive lifestyle.

At a subconscious level, the tendency to violence is present in every person. There is nothing unnatural in this, but the subconscious readiness for destruction lies peacefully dormant until it is awakened by any extreme conditions
The sadist and the self-deprecating partner are usually the longest-lasting couples. Passionate experiences of love after suffering are the “hook” on which attachment rests. However, a self-deprecating person does not provide adequate resistance to the sadist, and the process of suppression does not bring the necessary satisfaction, which leads to an increase in pressure, even physical."
Found it here.